I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
