I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
cat food counts as protein by the way
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
