I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
