last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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