And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
