i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
