You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
