I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
