the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
