Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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