just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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