His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
