HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
