he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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