is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
