They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
