I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
