lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
