My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
