my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
