last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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