It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
