I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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