I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
