Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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