oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
