It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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