She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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