his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
