So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
