His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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