think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
