Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
