He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
