As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
