Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
