Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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