miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
