Its about making memories worth repressing
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
