Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
