a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
