Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry about my life...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize