i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
