11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
