i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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