you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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