Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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