No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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