i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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