A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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