it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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