Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
