I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's blow job season.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
