I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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