Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this will be a night to untag.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
