living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
