Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
