Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
