a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
