I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
