Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
