Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me

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(514): View more from Quebec

You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.

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(949): View more from California

Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes

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(314): View more from Missouri

TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES

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