They should really pass out barf bags in church
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
