I love black thongs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
