just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
