Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
