Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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