You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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