I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think my moral compass just broke
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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