honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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