No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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