ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
