If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
