Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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