My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
