I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
