This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
