I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
