The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
